Leftover chipolata, squash and chickpea stew

This one was another result of needing to do something with a random ingredient, in this case it was six cooked chipolatas that were donated by my housemate. We are on a bit of an economy drive at the moment so I decided to raid the fridge/cupboards and see what I could do with it. I then remembered this cheeky little recipe passed on from a friend and thought I'd adapt it. Voila, this awesome concoction was born.

Feel free to use larger cooked sausages for this, it just so happens that my housemate is a fan of the smaller ones - so many jokes, not enough time. This one does take a bit longer than the normal recipes I post, but it is damn nice so it's worth the wait for sure. Also, if you're in the arms of a hairy vegetarian, leave out the sausages and you will be on a fast track to pound town my friend. 

How it's done

This one is pretty much made up from cupboard staples like chopped tomatoes, stock cubes, chickpeas... 'Wait, did he just say chickpeas?!' I hear you scream. Well yes, I did. Stop being a little bitch about everything and make sure you ALWAYS have a can of these bad boys in the cupboard because they are an awesome utility ingredient for all sorts of things, including a fantastic little curry recipe I have coming up for you.

• Cooked sausages
• A butternut squash
• Garlic clove
• Dried thyme
• An onion
• Some fresh coriander
• 20g sultanas (these aren't a complete necessity but add great flavour)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• A small red chilli
• 1 can of chopped tomatoes
• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 vegetable stock cube
• 160g cous cous
• Fat free yoghurt

This is all very straight forward, if a little time consuming. Peel and chop up the squash (I can't be arsed with the fat end that has all the pips and shit, I just use the top part), you want it in small chunks around 2cm. Throw the squash into a roasting tin with a good amount of olive oil, the dried thyme and a clove of garlic that you've crushed with your bare hands. No seriously, just get a garlic clove (don't worry about taking the skin off) and put it on the counter before slamming your fist down on to it just to crack it so all the awesome flavours will come out. Get this into an oven on 200C for about 40 minutes. 

Peel the onion and finely dice it up before putting it into a reasonably large pan with some olive oil, the sultanas (if you want them), the de-seeded and chopped chilli, the cinnamon and the roughly chopped stalks of the coriander. Stick a lid on top and cook this for around 20 minutes, stirring every now and then, along with adding some boiling water here and there to keep it moist and stop it burning. 

Then add the roasted squash, can of tomatoes and chickpeas (drain half of the juice out of the can but be sure to add some to the pan). Pour in 300ml of boiling water and crumble in the stock cube. Leave this simmering for around 30-40 minutes on a medium heat with the lid off, until the liquid reduces and the stew thickens.

When the stew has about 15 minutes to go, stick the cous cous into a large bowl and just enough boiling water to cover it. Get a plate on top and leave it to soak up the water. Just before the stew is done, fluff up the cous cous with a fork and season well. 

That's it, all done. Put the cous cous on the plates and then get the stew on top. Lob on a bit of the yoghurt and sprinkle the whole thing with chopped coriander leaves

Pesto chicken, avocado and walnut salad

The World Cup is on and none of us have time to cook (either for the ladies or ourselves) or blog so this is a very quick and easy dinner that you can put together in between games. The beauty is that it looks amazing, tastes awesome and is healthy too. 

There's a distinct lack of photos here because, well, I forgot. I was quickly throwing something together for dinner before the awesome Spain v Netherlands game and this is what I came up with. It literally took five minutes to get on the plate (if you ignore the 22 minutes it took for the chicken breasts to cook), but came out tasting great. The idea is from a very well-known salad bar that is in most shopping centres in Australia, this was the item on the menu that I loved the most but hated having to pay $11 for each time. Turns out you can make it at home for a lot less but just as tasty.

How it's done

I prefer to buy fresh chicken breasts and cook them myself (if you choose to do this, just buy skin-off breasts and stick them in the oven on 200C for 22-25 minutes or until the juices run clear). The rest of the ingredients are all pretty simple.

• Chicken breast (fresh or pre-cooked)
• Jar of green or basil pesto 
• Ripe avocado
• Bag of baby spinach leaves
• Bag of rocket
• Feta cheese
• Walnuts
• Balsamic drizzle (the thick stuff)

Chop up the chicken breast into small pieces or cubes and throw in bowl. Add a generous amount of the pesto and stir to make sure each piece of chicken is coated. Then it's just a case of layering up the dish. Get a big wedge of both leaves and get them on the plate. Next, peel and chop the avocado and sprinkle over the leaves. Chop up the feta into little cubes and drop that on top.

Next, get the chicken on the plate before topping the whole thing off with a generous helping of walnut pieces and a pretty pattern made out of the balsamic drizzle. Filling and super healthy at the same time, and ready in time to catch the second half before taking the lady upstairs to celebrate the win.

Lentil roast

This one is for those of you that want to get on, or are already on, a vegetarian. Hopefully she's not one of those - hairy armpits, no washing, walks everywhere barefoot vegetarians. But hey, whatever floats your boat, dude - I'm not here to judge. Just to help you get laid through food. 

I actually can't take credit for this one as it's my Dad's recipe. The first time I was told I was having this for dinner I quickly reached into my pocket to check if I had enough change to buy a Big Mac meal afterwards. Surprisingly it actually turned out to be awesome and is now one of the highlights of visits up to Scotland to see him. 

I'm not going to lie to you dude, this one takes some time but if your girl is a veggie then you will very quickly be made to realise that all of the hard work was worth it when she's scrabbling at your clothes trying to get her hands on your [insert vegetable = penis metaphor here].

How it's done

As I said, there is a bit of work and a few ingredients involved in this one but it is worth it believe me; even for you all-out carnivores out there. 

• 250g red lentils (dry)
• 500ml vegetable stock
• A few bay leaves
• 15g butter
• 2 tablespoons dried whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 90g fresh whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 250g grated mature cheddar cheese
• 1 leek
• 125g mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 2 eggs
• Grated parmesan cheese

First thing to do is get the oven on 190C. Next, get the lentils, stock and bay leaf in a saucepan. Bring this to the boil, cover it and simmer for around 20 minutes or until all of the liquid has been absorbed and the lentils are soft. While that's working away, get 4 ramekins (ask the Mrs) and grease with the butter before sprinkling with the dried, not fresh, breadcrumbs. 

Next, chop up the leek, mushrooms and parsley and stick in a bowl with the grated cheese and fresh breadcrumbs. When the lentils are cooked, pour them into the bowl along with the lemon juice and the eggs. Season the whole thing really well with salt and pepper before transferring the whole mixture into the ramekins. When you fill each ramekin, drop it onto your work surface to get the air out (not from too high though you bell-end). Then sprinkle the parmesan cheese over, and stick them into the oven on a baking tray for an hour.

That's pretty much it. When they come out of the oven, slide a knife down the sides of the ramekin to loosen each portion before sticking onto a plate with whatever you are pairing this with - in this case its my Dad's awesome roast potatoes. Most 'chefs' would scoff at this but honestly, get some ketchup involved and you are onto a winner!

Chicken and spinach pasta with toasted pine nuts

Firstly let me apologise for the short break away but what can I say, I've been enjoying the fruits of my labour... I don't just say this stuff for fun guys, this shit works! I've still been cooking, but just haven't been able to take shots and get things written - I promise to be better if you'll stick with me!

This one is something I put together a few years ago and still gets a great reaction when I pull it out of the bag. It's perfect (if you ignore the bacon lardons that I snuck into this version) for when the Mrs is on a diet and you need protein for your gym regime. With the pine nuts and spinach, I've also thrown in a few superfoods as well. Aren't you lucky?!

There's a lot of ingredients going on here but they all combine to make something awesome - mark my words. 

How it's done

If she (and/or you) are on a health kick then it might be best to leave the lardons out but, since I'm not and think they add a nice amount of flavour, I didn't.

• Pine nuts
• Chicken fillets
• Bacon lardons (your call)
• Garlic
• Red onion
• Mushrooms
• Cherry or plum tomatoes
• Balsamic vinegar
• Ground nutmeg
• Spinach
• Whole wheat spaghetti

This is all pretty straightforward. The first thing you have to do is toast the pine nuts in a DRY pan. Dry means dry guys, no oil or anything required. Literally get a frying pan on a medium heat and throw them in. Keep giving them a toss and after a couple of minutes they will start to brown. Once they go, the go quickly so keep an eye on them. Once they have some colour, get them out of the pan and into a bowl for later. At this point stick the spaghetti into some boiling water with a bit of olive oil to keep it separated. Leave that going whilst you do the rest.

Next, dice up the onion and mushrooms and lob them into a large frying pan (or wok) with the garlic, which should be crushed or finely chopped, and some olive oil. Fry for a few minutes or until the onions get soft and then throw in the diced chicken breast.

Keep this awesome little mixture cooking until the chicken is cooked through. At this point add the tomatoes which you will have halved. They will start to soften and break up to create a little bit of a sauce. Next add in a shit load of spinach. It will fill the pan and you will freak out, but it will wilt into next to nothing very quickly. 

When the spinach has wilted, add a large lug of balsamic vinegar and a dash of nutmeg. Cannot believe I just used the word dash. Moving on quickly... Leave everything in the pan to cook down and reduce for a few minutes.

Drain and plate the spaghetti before adding the chicken and spinach mixture on top. Throw on the toasted pine nuts and you are golden. If you happen to be fancy like me and have some balsamic glaze then great but it's not a necessity. Enjoy...

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Strawberry and banana smoothie

So anyone who's anyone knows that smoothies are the shit at the moment. Women on a health craze love them, meatheads in the gym love them - everyone loves them. Naturally, being the sheep that I am, I had to get involved and was straight down the shops to spend twenty quid on one of these fancy smoothie-to-go machines knowing full well it would just be a fad. How wrong I was.

Smoothies are awesome. They take seconds to make, taste delicious and people are always impressed when you make them one; hence their inclusion here. Perfect for replacing lost energy after a hectic night in the bedroom, or building stamina ready for the next session - smoothies are magical.

This is the start of a series of smoothie posts to help you whip up a delicious and (usually) healthy drink for the lady's breakfast to go, mid-morning snack or just a random 'here you go love' effort for those extra brownie points (again, the brownie recipe is coming, hold your horses!).

We're starting off with your basic, classic strawberry and banana smoothie. Dirt cheap but delicious. 

How it's done

Most most fruit-based smoothies will have two key ingredients - a banana and some form of fruit juice. You can mix and match to your heart's content but I've gone with Pink Lady apple juice (because I'm a posh twat) for this one. Literally all you do is take what's shown in the photo and lob it in the juicer - easy as. Slice up the banana, same with the strawberries (don't leave the green tops on though you bell-end), throw in some low or no fat Greek yoghurt and the juice of your choosing before blitzing the shit out of it.

In case you're wondering what the weird powder stuff is - that is your magic weapon. Superfood powder. Available online or in most health food shops; she will be impressed that you've gone to the effort to find her something so good for her body and you will see the benefits in the gym. Boom!

Check back soon for more smoothie variations and feel free to share your own. P.S. check out the wolf dog in the photos - every man should have one of these. Try walking down the street with her and not get stopped by every woman asking for a stroke...

If you're interested, the machine I use is the Morphy Richards Easy Blend. It's only small so fits perfectly in the kitchen cupboard full of crap in between that popcorn machine and the bread maker. It comes with two beakers with screw on lids - perfect for sticking in the gym bag or in the Mrs' lunch bag with a beautifully written note about how this smoothie shows how much you love her which, if she is able to read between the lines, actually means you're expecting some loving when she gets home for being so thoughtful. 

Pumpkin and cottage cheese muffins

So apparently real men don't bake. Well let me tell you, those that want to get noshed off on a regular basis should. Girls go weak at the knees for a dude that knows his way around a whisk and some self raising flour. If you don't have anyone at home to impress with baked goods then be sure to make it for the folk in the office. Sarah from Accounts won't be able to resist you once she's put that moist, rich brownie in her mouth. That's not a euphemism, I actually do have an awesome brownie recipe coming up but slow down cowboy, you aren't quite ready for that yet.

What you are ready for is these awesome, fluffy and easy as shit to make pumpkin and cottage cheese muffins. What's great about these is, if you get the right ingredients (i.e. the low fat cottage cheese) they are healthy so not only have you cured her snack desire, but you are supporting her current healthy eating phase - which is basically an ongoing cycle of saying they're going to eat healthy, eating rabbit food for a week and then giving up.

These are another minimal effort recipe that will get the results you want in no time. Fifteen minutes worth of preparation time will result in hours of fun in the sack for sure.

How it's done

Grab yourself the following ingredients, this should be enough for 12 muffins. You do need to dig out the muffin tray though - every house has one but you might need to get your head right into the back of that never opened cupboard to find it. 

• Olive oil
• An onion
• Some fresh rosemary
• 300g self raising flour
• A pinch of salt
• 250g cottage cheese (low fat if you're out to impress)
• Around 250g grated pumpkin (or butternut squash)
• 250ml milk
• A couple of eggs that you've beaten
• Some pumpkin seeds for decoration (come on, you've already started baking, there's no going back now...)

This is all very simple, get the oven on at 180C before dicing up the onion and frying in the olive oil for around five minutes. Chop up the rosemary and throw that in for the final 30 seconds. Are you getting that awesome smell? That's it my friend, you're cooking!

Put the onion and rosemary into a large bowl and then chuck the flour, salt and grated pumpkin in and mix. In a different bowl mix the eggs, cottage cheese and milk and then add to the pumpkin mixture. The trick with this recipe is not to mix things too well - you want a lumpy mixture so only stir this all up until it is just combined. 

Grease the muffin tin (just get some oil on a folded up bit of kitchen roll and rub each muffin hole so they are nice and lubed) and split out the mixture evenly between the 12. Throw a few pumpkin seeds on top of each and get them in the oven for 25-30 minutes. Once you pull them out just leave them in the tray to cool and once they have, just give them a little twist and they should pull right out, ready to be put on a tray and into the willing mouth of your beloved. 

You are welcome my friend.










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