Beetroot risotto

I'm intrigued to see how many people click on this post since I know beetroot is a bit of a love it or hate it ingredient. The one thing that the food journey I've been on over the last few years has taught me is to ignore all of those irrational food dislikes that I had as a kid; you know the ones that were based on look, texture or name. I used to hate seafood as a kid and for no reason other than the smell. If I'd carried that into adulthood I would have missed out on so many awesome dishes. 

This turns out to be a stunning looking meal, dressed with crumbled goats cheese, walnuts and rocket - it's a real mixture of vivid colour and texture. I know that all sounds a bit camp but I'm trying to tempt you into making this because, once you put it down in front of her, you'll be glad you did. 

How it's done

This one does require a bit of attention and you will need to be by the pan during the cooking process. Thankfully, though, it involves some red wine with plenty left over for you to drink whilst you're creating your masterpiece.

• 450g cooked beetroot (the vacuum-packed stuff from the supermarket)
• 600ml of vegetable stock
• 50g butter
• A red onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 250g Arborio rice
• 2 teaspoons of dried thyme
• 150ml red wine
• Some roughly chopped walnuts
• 125g soft goats' cheese
• Some rocket leaves

Drain the juice from the packet(s) of beetroot into a measuring jug with the vegetable stock. Melt the butter in a large saucepan and add the finely chopped onion and garlic; cook these until they have softened. Throw in the rice and dried thyme and stir so that the butter coats all of the grains. 

Pour in the red wine and cook until the liquid has been absorbed by the rice, stirring often. Start adding in the stock and beetroot juice one ladle at a time, stirring continuously. Add another ladleful when the liquid from the previous one has been absorbed. Continue doing this for around twenty minutes or until the rice is al dente (i.e. so it is still a little firm).

At this point, chop the beetroot into a small dice and add to the rice along with handful of the chopped walnuts. Cook for a further few minutes, stirring to avoid sticking, before serving on a plate with the rest of the walnuts crumbled over the top along with the goats cheese and some strategically-placed rocket leaves. 

Mexican banquet

Since the posts have been a little infrequent recently, I decided to go balls deep and do a mammouth one with three (yes three!) recipes. I've been wanting to try fish tacos for a while so I figured now was the perfect time. The other two are a pair of awesome accompaniments in the form of a super fresh pico de gallo and a chunky guacaomle. This may sound and look like a lot of effort but trust me, gringo, it really isn't. 

The fish tacos were complete guess work but came out far better than I had planned and, when teamed with the pico de gallo and guacamole, were the perfect mix of a bit of heat and freshness. The lucky recipient of this meal could barely contain her excitement throughout the whole thing so I knew it was a job well done. 

How it's done

The key thing about this banquet is how fresh everything looks and smells. It really is a feast for the eyes and nose, and then the mouth. I know you're probably looking at the photo and thinking, 'That's a shit load of washing up there, Chef!'. Well yes, it is but hopefully your guest will get stuck into it when she's finished devouring this feast. 

You can get the pico de gallo and guacamole out of the way and in the fridge early doors if the idea of making all three things at the same time stresses you out. Let's start with them...

Pico de gallo

• 6 tomatoes
• Half a red chilli
• Half a red onion
• Chopped coriander stems
• White wine vinegar

This is really straight forward. Get your tomatoes and quarter them. We don't want all of the seeds and juice and shit so cut them out to leave just the flesh, which you then just dice up into small chunks. Throw them in a bowl with the deseeded and diced chilli and the diced red onion. Chuck in the chopped coriander stems (about a tablespoon's worth). Throw in a splash of white wine vinegar and mix. Done.

Chunky guacamole

• 3 ripe avocados
• A tomato
• Half a red chilli
• Half a red onion
• A lime
• Coriander

Also very easy. Grab the tomato and chop it in half. Next, lay it flat on the chopping board and squash it using the side of a large knife and your pure, masculine brute strength. Once it's squashed, roughly dice it up and throw it into a bowl (juice, seeds and all). Half and stone the avocados (keeping a stone back for later). Scoop the avocado flesh into the bowl with the tomato and then add the chilli, onion and some coriander stalks and leaves after you've finely diced them. Squeeze in the juice of the lime and season with a generous amount of salt and pepper. Grab a potato masher and go to town until it resembles the photo. If you're prepping this in advance, grab the avocado stone you've reserved and stick it in the middle of the guacamole before covering with clingfilm and keeping in the fridge until you're ready to serve.

Fish tacos

• Skinned and boned white fish fillet (I used river cobbler as it's cheap and awesome)
• 2 eggs
• Plain flour
• Cumin
• Smoked paprika
• Dried breadcrumbs
• Sunflower oil
• Mini tortillas

Time for the main event. Get three bowls set up in a line. In the first throw a cup of plain flour along with a teaspoon each of cumin and paprike and mix. In the next bowl, break and lightly beat the two eggs. In the final bowl tip out the breadcrumbs. Grab your fish and cut into strips. This is a very simple process; take a piece of fish and coat in the flour and spice mix before moving it into the egg bowl and then finally covering it in breadcrumbs. Do this for all of the fish and then stick into the fridge to chill for about 15 minutes.

While the fish is chilling, fill a small pan to the three quarter mark with the sunflower oil and get it onto the hob, and get the oven on to 150C. When the oil is hot, fry four pieces of fish for a 1 minute at a time. When the minute is up, use a slotted spoon to get the fish out of the oil and get it onto a baking tray in the oven to keep warm whilst you do the rest of the frying. At this point get the tortillas in the oven to warm. 

That's pretty much it, just set everything out on the table and let people dig in! My table has the pico de gallo, guacamole, fired fish, tortillas, a cajun sauce, some soured cream with a bit of paprika and grated cheese. There's also some corn that I've just charred in a griddle pan (no oil or butter, just stick in the pan on the heat and keep turning to get colour) Enjoy, dudes.

Prawn and rocket pasta

So first I need to apologise for my recent absence. This has been for a number of reasons (World Cup, hangovers, changing jobs etc), none of which will interest you. I did intend to post a carrot cake yesterday but, in a rare moment of non-awesomeness, I fucked it up. Yes that's right, even us great chefs can stuff up sometimes. Will go back to the drawing board and bring that one to you another time. This, however, is unfuckupable and takes hardly any time to make. Winner.

This dish is really damn tasty and looks pretty nice too. Low effort for maximum reward, and that is exactly the sort of grub we like here at Food For Fellas. Plus the recipe calls for wine which is always a good thing.

How it's done

Just a few simple ingredients and no stressy techniques here, so it's one for even the most novice of chefs. 

• Wholewheat spaghetti
• 250g uncooked and peeled king prawns
• 2 cloves of garlic
• A red chilli
• White wine
• Sun-dried tomato pesto
• A lemon
• A bag of baby rocket

First job is to get the spaghetti into some boiling water with a lug of olive oil to stop it from sticking together. Next up you need to finely chop the garlic and de-seeded chilli. Be sure to wash your hands thoroughly after doing this (and definitely don't scratch your nether regions without cleaning your hands first - seriously, trust me on this one...). Get the garlic and chilli into a large frying pan or wok with a decent amount of olive oil and fry off until the garlic begins to colour.

Next throw in the prawns which you have butterflied (see the Ebi Raisukaree recipe for this technique) and cook for a couple of minutes until they have coloured and opened up. Now throw in a small glass of white wine (I am currently really enjoying the Glenridge Point Sauvignon Blanc from Sainsbury - it's currently on offer too) and two tablespoons of the sun-dried tomato pesto, and leave all that to simmer for a few minutes. 

Drain the pasta and then put it back into the pan before adding all of the sauce along with the juice of half of the lemon and a handful of the rocket. Season it and then toss it to mix everything together before getting it onto a plate and throwing on some more rocket and some parmesan. Sorted. 

Leftover chipolata, squash and chickpea stew

This one was another result of needing to do something with a random ingredient, in this case it was six cooked chipolatas that were donated by my housemate. We are on a bit of an economy drive at the moment so I decided to raid the fridge/cupboards and see what I could do with it. I then remembered this cheeky little recipe passed on from a friend and thought I'd adapt it. Voila, this awesome concoction was born.

Feel free to use larger cooked sausages for this, it just so happens that my housemate is a fan of the smaller ones - so many jokes, not enough time. This one does take a bit longer than the normal recipes I post, but it is damn nice so it's worth the wait for sure. Also, if you're in the arms of a hairy vegetarian, leave out the sausages and you will be on a fast track to pound town my friend. 

How it's done

This one is pretty much made up from cupboard staples like chopped tomatoes, stock cubes, chickpeas... 'Wait, did he just say chickpeas?!' I hear you scream. Well yes, I did. Stop being a little bitch about everything and make sure you ALWAYS have a can of these bad boys in the cupboard because they are an awesome utility ingredient for all sorts of things, including a fantastic little curry recipe I have coming up for you.

• Cooked sausages
• A butternut squash
• Garlic clove
• Dried thyme
• An onion
• Some fresh coriander
• 20g sultanas (these aren't a complete necessity but add great flavour)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• A small red chilli
• 1 can of chopped tomatoes
• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 vegetable stock cube
• 160g cous cous
• Fat free yoghurt

This is all very straight forward, if a little time consuming. Peel and chop up the squash (I can't be arsed with the fat end that has all the pips and shit, I just use the top part), you want it in small chunks around 2cm. Throw the squash into a roasting tin with a good amount of olive oil, the dried thyme and a clove of garlic that you've crushed with your bare hands. No seriously, just get a garlic clove (don't worry about taking the skin off) and put it on the counter before slamming your fist down on to it just to crack it so all the awesome flavours will come out. Get this into an oven on 200C for about 40 minutes. 

Peel the onion and finely dice it up before putting it into a reasonably large pan with some olive oil, the sultanas (if you want them), the de-seeded and chopped chilli, the cinnamon and the roughly chopped stalks of the coriander. Stick a lid on top and cook this for around 20 minutes, stirring every now and then, along with adding some boiling water here and there to keep it moist and stop it burning. 

Then add the roasted squash, can of tomatoes and chickpeas (drain half of the juice out of the can but be sure to add some to the pan). Pour in 300ml of boiling water and crumble in the stock cube. Leave this simmering for around 30-40 minutes on a medium heat with the lid off, until the liquid reduces and the stew thickens.

When the stew has about 15 minutes to go, stick the cous cous into a large bowl and just enough boiling water to cover it. Get a plate on top and leave it to soak up the water. Just before the stew is done, fluff up the cous cous with a fork and season well. 

That's it, all done. Put the cous cous on the plates and then get the stew on top. Lob on a bit of the yoghurt and sprinkle the whole thing with chopped coriander leaves

Pesto chicken, avocado and walnut salad

The World Cup is on and none of us have time to cook (either for the ladies or ourselves) or blog so this is a very quick and easy dinner that you can put together in between games. The beauty is that it looks amazing, tastes awesome and is healthy too. 

There's a distinct lack of photos here because, well, I forgot. I was quickly throwing something together for dinner before the awesome Spain v Netherlands game and this is what I came up with. It literally took five minutes to get on the plate (if you ignore the 22 minutes it took for the chicken breasts to cook), but came out tasting great. The idea is from a very well-known salad bar that is in most shopping centres in Australia, this was the item on the menu that I loved the most but hated having to pay $11 for each time. Turns out you can make it at home for a lot less but just as tasty.

How it's done

I prefer to buy fresh chicken breasts and cook them myself (if you choose to do this, just buy skin-off breasts and stick them in the oven on 200C for 22-25 minutes or until the juices run clear). The rest of the ingredients are all pretty simple.

• Chicken breast (fresh or pre-cooked)
• Jar of green or basil pesto 
• Ripe avocado
• Bag of baby spinach leaves
• Bag of rocket
• Feta cheese
• Walnuts
• Balsamic drizzle (the thick stuff)

Chop up the chicken breast into small pieces or cubes and throw in bowl. Add a generous amount of the pesto and stir to make sure each piece of chicken is coated. Then it's just a case of layering up the dish. Get a big wedge of both leaves and get them on the plate. Next, peel and chop the avocado and sprinkle over the leaves. Chop up the feta into little cubes and drop that on top.

Next, get the chicken on the plate before topping the whole thing off with a generous helping of walnut pieces and a pretty pattern made out of the balsamic drizzle. Filling and super healthy at the same time, and ready in time to catch the second half before taking the lady upstairs to celebrate the win.

Tartiflette

Yes, I know it is weird to be posting this rich, awesome, French mountain food as the weather starts to get warmer but this weekend I was craving it. I spent some time working in the Alps as a chalet host, and this dish was something that I never got bored of during the four months I was out there. For some reason, on this warm early Summer's day in England, I fancied tartiflette and all of it's cheesy, gooey, creamy goodness. 

You might want to save this for a freezing cold Winter's day so feel free to keep it in the back pocket until then. Whenever you do choose to use it, however, you can be sure that the Mrs will also be in your back pocket as a result. There's nothing to not like in this dish - unless you're vegetarian, allergic to dairy or simply just don't like awesome food. 

Literally every ingredient in this meal is good: from the cream to the bacon to the potatoes to the white wine. What's not to love? Get involved.

How it's done

I've adapted this recipe to make single portions rather than one big one like they tend to do in France, but they key thing is to find the right cheese. I've only found it in Waitrose in the UK so that's a heads up, but you might be able to find it elsewhere. 

• 1kg Charlotte potatoes
• 250g bacon lardons
• 1 onion
• Garlic
• 100ml white wine
• 200ml double cream
• Half round of reblochon cheese

This one is super easy. Get the oven on to 200C and then stick the potatoes into a pan of salted, boiling water for 5-10 minutes. While they are bubbling away, dice up the onion and fry that in a little oil with the lardons and crushed garlic. Once the onion has gone a nice, golden brown throw in the white wine to deglaze the pan. Leave that cooking until the wine has evaporated.

Drain the potatoes and once they have cooled enough to touch, slice them thinly. Then in each of your dishes put a layer of potatoes, season them and then throw some of the bacon, onion and garlic mixture on top and repeat until you've nearly filled it up. Pour over half of the cream and top it off with the cheese - slice it through the middle and lie it so that the rind is facing up. 

 Stick into the oven for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is bubbling. Serve with a side salad the rest of the wine (in a glass you dope!). Bonjour tout le monde!

Lentil roast

This one is for those of you that want to get on, or are already on, a vegetarian. Hopefully she's not one of those - hairy armpits, no washing, walks everywhere barefoot vegetarians. But hey, whatever floats your boat, dude - I'm not here to judge. Just to help you get laid through food. 

I actually can't take credit for this one as it's my Dad's recipe. The first time I was told I was having this for dinner I quickly reached into my pocket to check if I had enough change to buy a Big Mac meal afterwards. Surprisingly it actually turned out to be awesome and is now one of the highlights of visits up to Scotland to see him. 

I'm not going to lie to you dude, this one takes some time but if your girl is a veggie then you will very quickly be made to realise that all of the hard work was worth it when she's scrabbling at your clothes trying to get her hands on your [insert vegetable = penis metaphor here].

How it's done

As I said, there is a bit of work and a few ingredients involved in this one but it is worth it believe me; even for you all-out carnivores out there. 

• 250g red lentils (dry)
• 500ml vegetable stock
• A few bay leaves
• 15g butter
• 2 tablespoons dried whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 90g fresh whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 250g grated mature cheddar cheese
• 1 leek
• 125g mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 2 eggs
• Grated parmesan cheese

First thing to do is get the oven on 190C. Next, get the lentils, stock and bay leaf in a saucepan. Bring this to the boil, cover it and simmer for around 20 minutes or until all of the liquid has been absorbed and the lentils are soft. While that's working away, get 4 ramekins (ask the Mrs) and grease with the butter before sprinkling with the dried, not fresh, breadcrumbs. 

Next, chop up the leek, mushrooms and parsley and stick in a bowl with the grated cheese and fresh breadcrumbs. When the lentils are cooked, pour them into the bowl along with the lemon juice and the eggs. Season the whole thing really well with salt and pepper before transferring the whole mixture into the ramekins. When you fill each ramekin, drop it onto your work surface to get the air out (not from too high though you bell-end). Then sprinkle the parmesan cheese over, and stick them into the oven on a baking tray for an hour.

That's pretty much it. When they come out of the oven, slide a knife down the sides of the ramekin to loosen each portion before sticking onto a plate with whatever you are pairing this with - in this case its my Dad's awesome roast potatoes. Most 'chefs' would scoff at this but honestly, get some ketchup involved and you are onto a winner!

Chicken and spinach pasta with toasted pine nuts

Firstly let me apologise for the short break away but what can I say, I've been enjoying the fruits of my labour... I don't just say this stuff for fun guys, this shit works! I've still been cooking, but just haven't been able to take shots and get things written - I promise to be better if you'll stick with me!

This one is something I put together a few years ago and still gets a great reaction when I pull it out of the bag. It's perfect (if you ignore the bacon lardons that I snuck into this version) for when the Mrs is on a diet and you need protein for your gym regime. With the pine nuts and spinach, I've also thrown in a few superfoods as well. Aren't you lucky?!

There's a lot of ingredients going on here but they all combine to make something awesome - mark my words. 

How it's done

If she (and/or you) are on a health kick then it might be best to leave the lardons out but, since I'm not and think they add a nice amount of flavour, I didn't.

• Pine nuts
• Chicken fillets
• Bacon lardons (your call)
• Garlic
• Red onion
• Mushrooms
• Cherry or plum tomatoes
• Balsamic vinegar
• Ground nutmeg
• Spinach
• Whole wheat spaghetti

This is all pretty straightforward. The first thing you have to do is toast the pine nuts in a DRY pan. Dry means dry guys, no oil or anything required. Literally get a frying pan on a medium heat and throw them in. Keep giving them a toss and after a couple of minutes they will start to brown. Once they go, the go quickly so keep an eye on them. Once they have some colour, get them out of the pan and into a bowl for later. At this point stick the spaghetti into some boiling water with a bit of olive oil to keep it separated. Leave that going whilst you do the rest.

Next, dice up the onion and mushrooms and lob them into a large frying pan (or wok) with the garlic, which should be crushed or finely chopped, and some olive oil. Fry for a few minutes or until the onions get soft and then throw in the diced chicken breast.

Keep this awesome little mixture cooking until the chicken is cooked through. At this point add the tomatoes which you will have halved. They will start to soften and break up to create a little bit of a sauce. Next add in a shit load of spinach. It will fill the pan and you will freak out, but it will wilt into next to nothing very quickly. 

When the spinach has wilted, add a large lug of balsamic vinegar and a dash of nutmeg. Cannot believe I just used the word dash. Moving on quickly... Leave everything in the pan to cook down and reduce for a few minutes.

Drain and plate the spaghetti before adding the chicken and spinach mixture on top. Throw on the toasted pine nuts and you are golden. If you happen to be fancy like me and have some balsamic glaze then great but it's not a necessity. Enjoy...

.

Sticky honey and soy pork

Sweet and sticky are the two words that best describe this dish, one that was borne out of not having a lot of ingredients available to me one day. I've never been a fan of pork, unless it's in bacon or ham form, and my heart fell when the housemate brought some home one evening expecting me to do something amazing with it. I came up with this and, suffice to say, it was awesome. 

Trust me when I say that the woman in your life, or the one you want in your life, will not be able to resist you once you've put this in front of her. It's the sort of meal that leaves her eyes rolling in pleasure and emitting sounds that will have the neighbours wondering what the hell you're doing to her.

How it's done

I like to serve this with a sweet potato mash so if you want to do that then the first thing you've got to do is get them peeled and cut into small cubes. Get them in a pan with some salt and boil for around 15 minutes or until mashable. 

You can use whatever sort of pork you like (just adjust the cooking time to suit) but for this I like to use a nice slab of boneless loin. A medium thickness pork loin will take about 10 minutes to do so make sure you get your timings right. I also added some broccoli here but enough of the hand holding, make your own fucking decision about what you have with it. For two people you need:

• 2 boneless loins
• Some olive oil
• Soy sauce
• Honey
• Chilli powder 
• A clove of garlic

Season both sides of the pork with salt and pepper and then add to a frying pan that is already hot and contains lug of olive oil. Depending on the thickness of your loin (that was a difficult phrase to type) you'd want to cook this for about 4-5 minutes on the first side. Crush in the garlic clove when the first side of pork has about a minute left and then turn the loins over. 

At this point throw in equal measures of the honey and soy (probably around 3 tablespoons of each depending on how much sauce you want - believe me it's so good that you'll want a decent amount). Sprinkle over a pinch of chilli powder and move the loins around in the pan to combine the sauce ingredients, then leave it bubbling away for 5-6 minutes. 

The sauce will start to bubble up and the smell will be immense. As it starts to caramelise, just turn the loins over so each side is nicely coated. At this point you can leave the pork for a minute to make your mash. I love to finely chop up some fresh rosemary and add it to the sweet potato before mashing, along with a knob of butter. Perfect. 

Get the loins out of the pan and onto the plate before drizzling over the remaining sauce and there you have it, a dish that will have her begging for more both in the kitchen and upstairs. Unless you live in a bungalow which, if you do, you need more help than my recipes can give my friend...

Ebi Raisukaree (or prawn, coconut, lime and coriander curry)

Time to spice things up a little bit - definitely in the kitchen, and hopefully in the bedroom afterwards. This was a recipe passed on from a friend as it was his favourite meal at Wagamama, that I've amended to my taste. I genuinely cannot tell you how freaking good it is, you'll just have to make it to understand. It has everything - big juicy king prawns, a hint of heat from the curry paste and chilli which is then soothed by the freshness of the lime and coriander. 

This is another super easy dish that looks and tastes like it requires a lot more effort than it actually does. Perfect for a romantic night in, or for when you have someone round for the first time hoping to set the mood for some action later on. 

How it's done

Get your hands on all of the lovely fresh ingredients listed below and get cracking. This one is all about doing things in the right order and is extremely straightforward. 

• Uncooked king prawns (about 400g) 
• 2 teaspoons of red Thai curry paste
• A jar of coconut milk
• Half an onion
• Clove of garlic
• A red chilli
• A lime
• Half a chicken stock cube
• A tablespoon of fish sauce
• Bunch of fresh coriander
• White rice

Let's get all of the prep out of the way. The first thing you need to do is dice up the onion, the chilli (without the seeds) and the garlic. The next part is relatively fiddly and can have you ending up with sliced up fingers if you're not careful. You need to butterfly the prawns which means making an incision down the length of the back of it, about halfway deep. It's a little bit time consuming but it means that the prawns will fan out when cooked and look the absolute mutt's nuts. Now you're all set to get cooking.

Get the rice on now. Bring a pan of salted water to the boil and give it a stir to get the water moving. Keep stirring as you throw in the rice and then don't touch it again until it is cooked - normally about 15-18 minutes. Next, get a wok set up on a medium heat and throw in the curry paste. Stir it until you can really smell it cooking, but not burning, and then add in the prawns, onion, chilli and garlic and stir fry until the prawns have turned pink and opened up. Now pour in the coconut milk and turn the heat down.

Crumble up half of the the chicken stock cube and throw it in along with the fish sauce and simmer for 5 minutes. Next chop up a nice big load of the coriander and throw that in. At the same time squeeze half of the lime into the wok and stir. Leave this all cooking for another 5 minutes and then serve on top of your beautiful, fluffy rice with a lime wedge and a sprinkling of chopped coriander. Beautiful.

If she's not impressed by this then kick her out on her arse and just leave the front door open for five minutes. Once the smell of this dish gets out onto the street you'll have them queueing up outside your door.

Parmesan and parsley crusted salmon

This is the recipe to make you look like a legend. It looks the nuts, tastes amazing and is so easy to make you won't believe it. When I talk about dishes requiring minimum effort but getting maximum reward, this is the epitome of that. She will be begging you for more - in both the kitchen and the bedroom. What exactly are you waiting for?

Whether you've invited her over for the first time or are looking to impress someone you already live with, there is no chance they won't go weak at the knees at this. That's a Food For Fellas guarantee. Unless you either a) fuck it up (that's on you) or b) serve it to someone who hates salmon... Watch her eyes light up as you serve this up, safe in the knowledge that it was an absolute piece of piss. The crispy topping looks incredible sitting on top of a beautiful cream cheese with hints of garlic and lemon combining brilliantly above a perfectly cooked piece of salmon. Even I'm getting turned on just writing about it. 

How it's done

Easily - in a word. It seems like a lot of prep but it really isn't. When making this version for the blog, I paired it with some beautifully roasted new potatoes and green beans. If you want to do exactly what you see here then get some new potatoes and slice them in half. Lob them into a roasting dish with a good lug of olive oil, lots of salt and some fresh rosemary sprigs. Mix it all up with your hands so every potato is covered in oil and stick in the oven on 200C for 50 minutes. 

• Two pieces of salmon fillet (skinned and boned - the wider, flatter fillets are best)
• A tub of cream cheese
• Garlic
• A lemon
• Fresh breadcrumbs
• Grated parmesan cheese
• A bunch of fresh parsley
• Smoked paprika

First things first. Lightly grease a baking tray or roasting dish (or stick down some greaseproof paper - your call). Season the salmon lightly on both sides and stick the fillets onto the tray. Tip about half of the tub of cream cheese into a bowl and crush one garlic clove into it before finely grating in half of the lemon rind and mixing. Spread this awesome mixture on top of the salmon.

Next, in another bowl, throw in some breadcrumbs and the grated parmesan and mix. Then chop up some parsley and throw that in as well. Take a good long sniff of the bowl. Smell that? That's success my friend, right there. Liberally top both pieces of salmon with the breadcrumb mixture along with a dusting of the smoked paprika and put them in the oven when the potatoes have around 25 minutes of cook time remaining. When you open the oven to put the salmon in, get the potatoes out and give them a shake or move them around with a spatula to get an even cook. You now got 25 minutes to get ready for the night of your life.

Don't be a dick and ruin all of your hard work by making the whole thing look crap on the plate! Be very careful when you get the salmon out because it will break up very easily and look shit. Pair this with a delicious, fruity white wine and you are on to a winner. Food For Fellas - the gift that keeps on giving. Please share this post and if you end up making it, let us know how you get on.