Marble cake

Now I know I said in a previous post that I don't really work to strict measurements but today I have a lady-slayer of a cake for you that does require the remembering of one magic number - 225. Got it? Then let's begin.

Marble cake is a classic, retro cake that always impresses because it looks like its really hard to make when it is, in fact, a piece of piss. It's a basic cake batter recipe, split in two and mixed all fancy like. As I've said previously, don't feel like you're losing your masculinity each time you even think about baking a cake - women love them and you are becoming more potent just by reading this blog post. Can you feel it?

My test case in this instance is my flatmate, a single white female of a similar age to me. All I had to do was merely show her the uncooked batter in the cake tin and she was running to her room to pick out a clean pair of underwear. Whilst the cake was in the oven, every time she caught a whiff of that half-cooked cake smell she'd emit a groan that is usually reserved for the bedroom. Women LOVE cake. 

How it's done

So, back to the magic number. 225 is the number of grams you need of each of the core cake batter ingredients - flour, butter and sugar. The rest of the ingredients are nice and easy to get hold and in fact, you probably already have most of them lying around.

• 225g of butter (this should be left out at room temperature for a while to soften)
• 225g caster sugar (if you don't have any caster, just use granulated)
• 225g self-raising flour
• 4 eggs
• Tablespoon of vanilla extract or flavouring
• 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder
• 3 tablespoons milk

This really is dead simple. Firstly, get the oven on to 180C or 160C if it's fan-forced. Grease a cake tin using a folded up piece of kitchen paper and some of the softened butter. Cream together the butter and sugar. If you can lay your hands on the Mrs' mixer or hand blender this will be a hell of a lot easier, but if you'd rather be all tough then by all means mix by hand with a wooden spoon. Crack in the eggs one at a time and mix well after each one. Finally, throw in the flour, vanilla extract and milk and mix all together until smooth.

Here's where the magic happens. Move half of the mixture into a separate bowl and add the cocoa powder. Mix that in until you have the same consistency as the other batter and now it's time to bring out the artist in you. Use two spoons to dollop in one batter after another into the cake pan. Once all the mixture is in and you can't see the bottom of the tin, grab a knife and swirl the mixture around to make a pretty pattern - how butch do you feel right now?

Stick the cake in the middle of the oven for 50-55 minutes. The way to check if a cake is fully cooked is to take a skewer or a knife and put it in the centre all the way to the bottom, if it comes out clean then you're good to go. Leave the cake in the pan until cooled (don't be impatient!) before taking it out and serving it to the Mrs with a cup of tea. Honestly you will be in the good books for days with this one and all for 15 minutes worth of baking. Good times...