Beetroot risotto

I'm intrigued to see how many people click on this post since I know beetroot is a bit of a love it or hate it ingredient. The one thing that the food journey I've been on over the last few years has taught me is to ignore all of those irrational food dislikes that I had as a kid; you know the ones that were based on look, texture or name. I used to hate seafood as a kid and for no reason other than the smell. If I'd carried that into adulthood I would have missed out on so many awesome dishes. 

This turns out to be a stunning looking meal, dressed with crumbled goats cheese, walnuts and rocket - it's a real mixture of vivid colour and texture. I know that all sounds a bit camp but I'm trying to tempt you into making this because, once you put it down in front of her, you'll be glad you did. 

How it's done

This one does require a bit of attention and you will need to be by the pan during the cooking process. Thankfully, though, it involves some red wine with plenty left over for you to drink whilst you're creating your masterpiece.

• 450g cooked beetroot (the vacuum-packed stuff from the supermarket)
• 600ml of vegetable stock
• 50g butter
• A red onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• 250g Arborio rice
• 2 teaspoons of dried thyme
• 150ml red wine
• Some roughly chopped walnuts
• 125g soft goats' cheese
• Some rocket leaves

Drain the juice from the packet(s) of beetroot into a measuring jug with the vegetable stock. Melt the butter in a large saucepan and add the finely chopped onion and garlic; cook these until they have softened. Throw in the rice and dried thyme and stir so that the butter coats all of the grains. 

Pour in the red wine and cook until the liquid has been absorbed by the rice, stirring often. Start adding in the stock and beetroot juice one ladle at a time, stirring continuously. Add another ladleful when the liquid from the previous one has been absorbed. Continue doing this for around twenty minutes or until the rice is al dente (i.e. so it is still a little firm).

At this point, chop the beetroot into a small dice and add to the rice along with handful of the chopped walnuts. Cook for a further few minutes, stirring to avoid sticking, before serving on a plate with the rest of the walnuts crumbled over the top along with the goats cheese and some strategically-placed rocket leaves. 

Leftover chipolata, squash and chickpea stew

This one was another result of needing to do something with a random ingredient, in this case it was six cooked chipolatas that were donated by my housemate. We are on a bit of an economy drive at the moment so I decided to raid the fridge/cupboards and see what I could do with it. I then remembered this cheeky little recipe passed on from a friend and thought I'd adapt it. Voila, this awesome concoction was born.

Feel free to use larger cooked sausages for this, it just so happens that my housemate is a fan of the smaller ones - so many jokes, not enough time. This one does take a bit longer than the normal recipes I post, but it is damn nice so it's worth the wait for sure. Also, if you're in the arms of a hairy vegetarian, leave out the sausages and you will be on a fast track to pound town my friend. 

How it's done

This one is pretty much made up from cupboard staples like chopped tomatoes, stock cubes, chickpeas... 'Wait, did he just say chickpeas?!' I hear you scream. Well yes, I did. Stop being a little bitch about everything and make sure you ALWAYS have a can of these bad boys in the cupboard because they are an awesome utility ingredient for all sorts of things, including a fantastic little curry recipe I have coming up for you.

• Cooked sausages
• A butternut squash
• Garlic clove
• Dried thyme
• An onion
• Some fresh coriander
• 20g sultanas (these aren't a complete necessity but add great flavour)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• A small red chilli
• 1 can of chopped tomatoes
• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 vegetable stock cube
• 160g cous cous
• Fat free yoghurt

This is all very straight forward, if a little time consuming. Peel and chop up the squash (I can't be arsed with the fat end that has all the pips and shit, I just use the top part), you want it in small chunks around 2cm. Throw the squash into a roasting tin with a good amount of olive oil, the dried thyme and a clove of garlic that you've crushed with your bare hands. No seriously, just get a garlic clove (don't worry about taking the skin off) and put it on the counter before slamming your fist down on to it just to crack it so all the awesome flavours will come out. Get this into an oven on 200C for about 40 minutes. 

Peel the onion and finely dice it up before putting it into a reasonably large pan with some olive oil, the sultanas (if you want them), the de-seeded and chopped chilli, the cinnamon and the roughly chopped stalks of the coriander. Stick a lid on top and cook this for around 20 minutes, stirring every now and then, along with adding some boiling water here and there to keep it moist and stop it burning. 

Then add the roasted squash, can of tomatoes and chickpeas (drain half of the juice out of the can but be sure to add some to the pan). Pour in 300ml of boiling water and crumble in the stock cube. Leave this simmering for around 30-40 minutes on a medium heat with the lid off, until the liquid reduces and the stew thickens.

When the stew has about 15 minutes to go, stick the cous cous into a large bowl and just enough boiling water to cover it. Get a plate on top and leave it to soak up the water. Just before the stew is done, fluff up the cous cous with a fork and season well. 

That's it, all done. Put the cous cous on the plates and then get the stew on top. Lob on a bit of the yoghurt and sprinkle the whole thing with chopped coriander leaves

Lentil roast

This one is for those of you that want to get on, or are already on, a vegetarian. Hopefully she's not one of those - hairy armpits, no washing, walks everywhere barefoot vegetarians. But hey, whatever floats your boat, dude - I'm not here to judge. Just to help you get laid through food. 

I actually can't take credit for this one as it's my Dad's recipe. The first time I was told I was having this for dinner I quickly reached into my pocket to check if I had enough change to buy a Big Mac meal afterwards. Surprisingly it actually turned out to be awesome and is now one of the highlights of visits up to Scotland to see him. 

I'm not going to lie to you dude, this one takes some time but if your girl is a veggie then you will very quickly be made to realise that all of the hard work was worth it when she's scrabbling at your clothes trying to get her hands on your [insert vegetable = penis metaphor here].

How it's done

As I said, there is a bit of work and a few ingredients involved in this one but it is worth it believe me; even for you all-out carnivores out there. 

• 250g red lentils (dry)
• 500ml vegetable stock
• A few bay leaves
• 15g butter
• 2 tablespoons dried whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 90g fresh whole wheat breadcrumbs
• 250g grated mature cheddar cheese
• 1 leek
• 125g mushrooms
• 2 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 2 eggs
• Grated parmesan cheese

First thing to do is get the oven on 190C. Next, get the lentils, stock and bay leaf in a saucepan. Bring this to the boil, cover it and simmer for around 20 minutes or until all of the liquid has been absorbed and the lentils are soft. While that's working away, get 4 ramekins (ask the Mrs) and grease with the butter before sprinkling with the dried, not fresh, breadcrumbs. 

Next, chop up the leek, mushrooms and parsley and stick in a bowl with the grated cheese and fresh breadcrumbs. When the lentils are cooked, pour them into the bowl along with the lemon juice and the eggs. Season the whole thing really well with salt and pepper before transferring the whole mixture into the ramekins. When you fill each ramekin, drop it onto your work surface to get the air out (not from too high though you bell-end). Then sprinkle the parmesan cheese over, and stick them into the oven on a baking tray for an hour.

That's pretty much it. When they come out of the oven, slide a knife down the sides of the ramekin to loosen each portion before sticking onto a plate with whatever you are pairing this with - in this case its my Dad's awesome roast potatoes. Most 'chefs' would scoff at this but honestly, get some ketchup involved and you are onto a winner!